Finding Your Clique in One Quiz: The Leader Shares Five Tips to Navigate Campus Life

We all want to belong. Picture this: It’s your first day of school as you walk through the cafeteria. Football players in one corner, dropping food faster than a three-year-old toddler. In another corner, the self-proclaimed hipsters are hard at work instagramming their food and adjusting the eyeglasses they don’t need. Among the wild crowd of computer science geeks, mean girls, and polysci majors, where should you sit? We’ve got you covered. (See bottom for answers)

A. WHILE POLITICS MAKE MOST PEOPLE SICK, DISCUSSING THE LATEST UPDATES ON THE MAP GRANTS MAKES YOUR HEART POUND WITH EXCITEMENT. MEETINGS ARE A STAPLE OF YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE...

B. YOU CAN OFTEN BE SEEN WEARING A HOT PINK T-SHIRT, SIPPING FROM A STARBUCKS PUMPKIN-SPICED LATTE. THERE IS A 90 PERCENT CHANCE YOU’RE WHITE, AND A 75 PERCENT CHANCE YOU’RE BLONDE. YOU WEAR YOGA PANTS WHENEVER YOU CAN, BUT HAVE NEVER DONE YOGA A DAY IN YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE...

C. YOU ARE FREQUENTLY SEEN SPORTING A JERSEY WITH A NUMBER ON IT. “P**SY” IS ONE OF THE VERY FEW WORDS IN YOUR DICTIONARY. THE CAFETERIA AND LANGHORST FIELD ARE YOUR NATURAL HABITATS. YOU ARE...

D. YOU MOST LIKELY HAVE LONG HAIR AND CAN BE FREQUENTLY SPOTTED HAULING A BLACK CASE AROUND CAMPUS. YOU’RE OFTEN DESCRIBED AS “DEEP” AND THE FEDORA IS A STAPLE IN YOUR WARDROBE. YOU ARE...

E. THE ADMINISTRATION, AND PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE ELSE, HATES YOU. YOU CAN OFTEN BE SEEN BEGGING PEOPLE TO LET YOU TALK TO THEM. YOU DESPERATELY TRY TO STAY RELEVANT ON CAMPUS, AND TRY TO GET STUDENTS ON CAMPUS TO READ YOUR SHIT. IN YOUR FREE TIME, YOU ENJOY DESTROYING PEOPLE’S REPUTATIONS. YOU LIVE ON COFFEE AND PROCRASTINATION IS YOUR FAVORITE RUSH. YOU ARE...

F. YOU’RE A NERD. YOU MOST LIKELY WEAR GLASSES, AND ARE OFTEN SEEN ON CAMPUS WORKING AT THE LEARNING CENTER. AT PARTIES, YOU FIND A DISCUSSION OF THE “CLASSIFICATION OF FINITE SIMPLE GROUPS” THEOREM WAY MORE INTERESTING THAN A KEG OF BEER. YOU ARE....

G. YOU ARE A VERY WELL-INFORMED PERSON. YOU KNOW ABOUT AND HAVE AN OPINION ON ALL THE HOT TOPICS ON CAMPUS. YOU KNOW WHO’S WHO IN THE FACULTY AND ADMINISTRATION. YOU ARE AWARE OF ALL THE EVENTS THAT HAPPEN AT ELMHURST. YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT PRESIDENT VANAKEN’S FAVORITE COLOR IS. YOU ARE...

H. YOUR BACKPACK WEIGHS 300 LBS. YOU FIND YOURSELF FRANTICALLY DRIVING AROUND CAMPUS BEFORE YOUR FIRST CLASS OF THE DAY LOOKING FOR ANY LEGAL PLACE TO PARK ON CAMPUS. YOUR RADIO IS YOUR ONLY FRIEND. YOU ARE...

I. NINETY PERCENT OF YOUR WARDROBE CONSISTS OF CAMO AND AMERICAN FLAG UNDERWEAR. YOUR WET DREAM IS TO HELP BUILD A WALL AROUND MEXICO, AND IRAN WHILE YOU’RE AT IT. YOU HAVE COMPLICATED FEELINGS TOWARD CHINA AND BROWN PEOPLE. YOU BELIEVE AMERICA’S WORST ENEMIES ARE POLITICAL CORRECTNESS, LIBERALS, EXTREMIST ISLAM, BLACK LIVES MATTER RADICALS, POOR PEOPLE, AND....THE LIST IS ENDLESS, BUT YOU’RE WILLING TO DEDICATE YOUR LIFE TO SAVING AMERICA RIGHT FROM YOUR MOTHER’S BASEMENT. YOU ARE...

J. YOU GET ALL YOUR POLITICAL INFORMATION FROM NOWTHIS AND MEMES ON FACEBOOK. THERE’S A 90 PERCENT CHANCE YOU’RE NOT A STRAIGHT, WHITE MALE. YOU’LL VOTE FOR ANY CANDIDATE WITH A VA- GINA. YOU’RE EASILY OFFENDED: EVERYONE’S A RACIST AND SEXIST EXCEPT YOU. YOUR WARDROBE CON- SISTS OF NO BRAS. YOU FEEL THE WORLD WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE IF MEN CEASED TO EXIST. IN YOUR FREE TIME, YOU’RE ON TWITTER TYPING UP HASHTAGS LIKE #HISSMALLHANDS.

 A. An SGA Member, B. A sorority girl, C. A jock, D. A music student, E. A writer for The Leader, F. A math major, G. A reader of The Leader, H. A commuter student, I. A Donald Trump supporter, J. A Hillary Clinton Supporter